Long post - but I'm back!

I can’t believe it has been over a week since my last “real” post (hey, at least I’ve kept the pictures coming, right?!). I was going to post two weeks ago but was just too full of emotions as going back to work was fast approaching. I would want to write but couldn’t seem to muster up the words. I’d choke and cry. I’d get angry. I’d get sad. I’d get frustrated, lonely, excited (rarely), nervous and anxious. I’d feel hurried, unprepared, unsuited and unable. Was I going to be able to keep up with the cleaning, laundry, dishes, diapers, drool, yard, dog, mom duties? Would Savannah resent me for working once she realized I was a working mom? Shoot, its been ten months since I’ve worked. Am I even going to be good at this anymore? I’m going to look like an idiot aren’t I? My migraine medicine makes me have memory loss and confusion. Great. This is going to be great. And I’m going to trip up the stairs on my first day. I wasn't upset because I was going back to work. I was upset about leaving my baby. I couldn't stomach it. It is still hard for me but doesn't make me vomit like it did before (maybe I was over reacting. Maybe I'm just dearly in love with her and can't stand to be apart from her).

Obviously I forgot something:

1) That I have an amazing husband. He helps me so much. Sure, he’s a man. He doesn’t walk in the house and “see” it needs to be vacuumed, dusted, or that the dishes need to be done. He doesn’t think about diapers right away. But if I ask him to help me with something he will drop what he’s doing and help me. No complaining. No questions. He does it. We’re a team. I’m not in this game alone. Nope. I have a great leader who helps me get through it.

2) I underestimate myself. I underestimate how much I can handle. Yes, I tend to take on more than one person should at times. I tend to get overwhelmed at times. But I can do a lot. And I can do it well. And sometimes I need to believe in myself. Because I can do it. And most of the time I can kick your butt at it.

3) I will always put my child before work. Before my home. Before my dog. Her soccer games (yes, I’m sure she’ll be an athlete. Look at her. She’s solid) will be a priority. I’ll be at every single one. Work will never make me miss anything that is important to her. She will be the most loved, supported and cherished child.

4) My Lord and Savior picks me up when I fall. Thank. Goodness. Everyone needs to be humbled. This experience will humble me. It already has. It will continue to. He will teach me, mold me and transform me through being a working mother. It is the right thing for my family and me. Otherwise it wouldn’t have worked out the way it did.

Lets think about this: I’m working in the president’s office at a seminary. A Godly envrionment. Four days a week. My mother is employed by watching her beautiful granddaughter. If you knew the other tiny details (but this is a public blog… lets not expose everything about me) about how perfect the situation is you’d drop your jaw on the floor.

Okay – I forgot a lot of things.

So, you might be wondering how the first week went. It went really well. I cried a little on Monday morning leaving my baby girl with my Mama (who, btw, meets me at my work to get Savannah… I then pick her up from her house afterwards… amazing!). I did better leaving her the rest of the days. The first day was like the first day of school – paperwork, learning the ropes, meeting people, etc. It was slow, long, and I was so ready to see my baby girl by the end of the day! The rest of the week went by much faster, was much busier, and I learned a lot more about my job functions, what I can expect from my job and became more familiarized with seminary processes, etc.

My house stayed fairly clean, diapers washed, baby fed, dog fed, dishes done, clothes washed and even folded and put away. Dan and I watched Dexter Season 3 most nights and went to bed around 10pm which was too late, but we enjoyed our veg time in front of the TV those nights. Thursday night I was so exhausted I went to sleep before 9pm and slept for 12 hours straight!!! Savannah was a champ and slept until 9:30am Friday morning. Thank you, sweet pea!

Enough for now – I’ll let you rest your eyes from the computer screen. I will try to keep the posts more regular. Maybe instead of watching Dexter during the week I’ll try to post more often :)